Low Self-Esteem, Controlling & in Denial
I felt a sense of relief to understand the numerous poor decisions made in my past relationships. At the same time I felt anger and disbelief that this is who I’ve been for the majority of my life. How did I get here? Why am I like this?
I’m still trying to figure it out, but at the end of the day all that matters is what is now, and how can I change it.
As I learned more, I related more. The CoDa patterns hit such a cord within me.
“Denial Patterns: I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I minimize, alter, deny how I truly feel. I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others”
DENIAL…..All life’s actions/decisions are for the good of the other person’s life…..make them feel better…..make sure they are okay. Not an ounce of consideration for how I feel, of how much I am being hurt, disrespected, treated. I was not there, not a part of the equation that equals the relationship….I was a numb existence. Survival based on the other person’s feelings. A decision I made and I was oblivious to it.
“Low Self-Esteem Patterns: I have difficulty making decisions. I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never good enough. I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise or gifts. I do not ask others to meet my needs and desires. I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behaviors over my own. I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile human being.”
So this is what fuels the action of putting myself aside. You think your humble, you see yourself as a good person. But reality is …. you are not good to your own self, the one person that is suppose to matter most.
“Compliance Patterns – I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger. I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same. I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long. I am often afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own. I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want. I accept sex when I want love”
Passive. Unable to assert myself. In tried moments I would freeze then quickly melt into an emotional bottomless pit.
“Control Patterns – I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves. I attempt to convince others of what they should think and how they should truly feel. I become resentful when others will not let me help them. I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked. I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about. I use sex to gain approval and acceptance. I have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others”
An unhealthy need that hurts more than helps others.
Quotes from CoDa’s pamphlet, “Am I Codependent?”
Featured Image Artist: Laurence Lund