Low Self-Esteem, Controlling & in Denial


Low Self-Esteem, Controlling & in Denial

I felt a sense of relief to understand the numerous poor decisions made in my past relationships.  At the same time I felt anger and disbelief that this is who I’ve been for the majority of my life.  How did I get here?  Why am I like this?

I’m still trying to figure it out, but at the end of the day all that matters is what is now, and how can I change it.

As I learned more, I related more.  The CoDa patterns hit such a cord within me.

“Denial Patterns:  I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.  I minimize, alter, deny how I truly feel.  I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others”

DENIAL…..All life’s actions/decisions are for the good of the other person’s life…..make them feel better…..make sure they are okay.  Not an ounce of consideration for how I feel, of how much I am being hurt, disrespected, treated.  I was not there, not a part of the equation that equals the relationship….I was a numb existence.  Survival based on the other person’s feelings.  A decision I made and I was oblivious to it.

“Low Self-Esteem Patterns:  I have difficulty making decisions.  I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never good enough.  I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise or gifts.  I do not ask others to meet my needs and desires.  I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behaviors over my own.  I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile human being.”

So this is what fuels the action of putting myself aside.  You think your humble, you see yourself as a good person.  But reality is ….  you are not good to your own self, the one person that is suppose to matter most.

“Compliance Patterns – I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.  I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.  I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.  I am often afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.  I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.  I accept sex when I want love”

Passive.  Unable to assert myself.  In tried moments I would freeze then quickly melt into an emotional bottomless pit.

“Control Patterns – I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.  I attempt to convince others of what they should think and how they should truly feel.  I become resentful when others will not let me help them.  I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.  I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.  I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.  I have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others”

An unhealthy need that hurts more than helps others.

Quotes from CoDa’s pamphlet, “Am I Codependent?”

Featured Image Artist: Laurence Lund

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