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I am. I am. I am

i am i am i am

I am. I am. I am

“Sometimes I feel like I’m not solid, I’m hollow.  There’s nothing behind my eyes, I’m a negative of a person.  And as if I never, I never thought anything.  I never wrote anything, I never felt anything.  All I want is blackness.  Blackness and silence.”

She says it so well.  If you are able to feel it as you read her words, then you know what major depression is, you unmistakably understand how easily you become it.  You know what it does to your being, sense of oneself.

“It’s all my fault.  All I could think about is what could happen if somebody took him away from me.  You see, if you fear something enough, you can make it happen?  That woman, I conjured her, I invented her.”

Sometimes I wonder if the getting worse is a result of the damage depression does to your outlook on life and those around you?  I have been told that I am now dealing with basically what’s left of me coming out of the major depression.  A changed person left with the “bad habits” and “way of living” that has become my “new normal.”

Quotes about depression from the film Sylvia

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“I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.”
from Sylvia Plath’s “The Bell Jar”

Interpretations:

“I personally take it to mean that though she may feel dead inside, her heart is telling her it is still alive. It is stubborn to her, like a horse or mule (hence “bray”), and will not stop, though maybe she wishes it would.”

“…the sound of the words mirrors the sound of a heart beating. When she puts words to the thumping, her heart repeats to her: Alive.”

 

KnowMental
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