How i saved my Life


How i saved my Life

I remember having a number of breakdowns fairly close to each other.  Each time getting more painful.  I told my friend I couldn’t do it anymore.  All I wanted was to be left alone.  I couldn’t stop crying.  I felt such an overwhelming emotion and at the same time massively detached.  I told him something has to happen for I don’t know what will be of me.

So we looked for a hospitals close to home.  The hospital’s website showed the link Health Services – Behavioral Health Services

and listed below

  • About the Behavioral Health Center
  • Child Adolescent Services
  • Inpatient Psychiatric Programs
  • Inpatient Substance Abuse Services
  • Outpatient Psychiatric Programs
  • Outpatient Substance Abuse Services

I clicked on Inpatient Psychiatric Programs and called the phone number listed on the page.

I talked …  and didn’t hold back.  They made an appointment for me to have an in-person assessment the next morning.  I sat with a person alone for 2 hours us talking.  Explained as much as I could about the changes.  She decided to not admit me as in-patient.  Instead, asked me to return the next morning to begin an outpatient program.  4 hours a day, 3 times a week, for the next 3 months.  So 12 hours a week of group therapy in what they call a partial hospitalization program.  She told me I was experiencing Major Depression.

She was aware of my suicidal ideations but asked if I was ready to act.  I said I’m afraid of getting to that point, but have yet to reach it.

She said we would only admit me if she felt I was unstable and want to act.

I was ready to be admitted.  I wanted to be.  I no longer wanted to cause pain to those around me.  I felt like I needed to be “put down.”  But the outcome was different.

So I began group therapy.  I met an array of people, with an array of disorders.  Some in the same fight as I, some with a very different battle.  But we all related and understood the pain and suffering involved inside of each of us.

I later learned that a % in my group had recently stayed a few days in inpatient, some of whom survived a suicide attempt.

It’s a gamble the way the system works.  Lucky for me, it worked.

I share my story to give you a tool I found.  It is on SAMHSA’s website (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)

Look for the Mental Health Services Locator

Your search by zip code, choose radius 50.

It is specific.  So search for:

Inpatient Care

Outpatient Care

Look at each separate.

There are a number of other options such as Residential or a combination there of.

Reach out.  Look for help.

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