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not broken just bent

not broken just bent

For some reason this song speaks to how I feel about the changes I've experienced with "The Depression."  It stole my ability to love.  I want to feel like "The Depression" is my being not broken just bent and I can learn to love again. "Right from the start You were a thief You stole my heart And I your willing victim...

For some reason this song spea...

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depression

“…think about the emptiness…”

"This page came forward when I began to think about the emptiness, desperation and loneliness of depression. I felt like I was invisible, someone without meaning or purpose. I felt lost and useless. My friends saw who I was on the outside not realizing that the real me was trapped inside unable to get out. This has given me a whole new perspective on depression and the people who suffer with and through it. So much desperation and pain...

"This page came forward when I...

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Desiderata

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.  Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.  But let...

Go placidly amidst the noise a...

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it doesn't matter

It doesn’t Matter

You are unique.  Every person living in the world is unique. We are all humans. Yet we have different shades of skin tones, body shapes, eye colors, hair texture, etc. The differences on the outside also exist in the inside, how the nerves communicate with each other, how food is processed, size of bones, etc. I'm not talking about nationality, race, whatever you call it! My siblings and I are born of the same parents, yet we have different skin tones, hair texture, body frame, food sensitivity, personality, mental processes! The point is each human in unique! If someone tells you are not special or different, they are wrong! Few reasons to consider this: Embracing yourself is a decision you make.  It doesn't matter what the next person thinks...

You are unique.  Every pers...

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Vicious Cycle

Vicious Cycle

It becomes a vicious cycle. Depression hits.  I feel weak and detached.  I don't want to eat, walk, or talk. No appetite leads to poor nutrition hence fatigue, irritability, ...

It becomes a vicious cycle. ...

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TRAPPED INSIDE

The pretending begins…

Please visit the link below, the artist created this work based on lyrics to a song. They say every person looks at an art piece and seeks to understand by finding a way to relate.  I immediately saw myself some years ago when the depression began.  Beautiful, independent, hard working woman with a dark secret for no one else to see, pretending.  A part of me I knew was there, trapped inside.  The depression slowly consuming every part of my inner being. Image Artist:  kiwiness Featured Image Artist killgannon2113...

Please visit the link belo...

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Afraid of the Light

Afraid of the Light

When you see visual artwork, it's human to make some sense of it.  A meaning or interpretation that is obvious or even deeper in relating to oneself.  The same can be done with music. It amazes me when I understand or feel a certain way to a song while listening and realize how different it is from the artist's intentions in the music video. The words of the Cults song "You Know What I Mean" expresses to the bone what has become of my life. It's as literal as it can be said: "Help me cause I'm feeling shaky" "Tell me what's wrong with my brain, cause I seem to have lost it" "I am afraid of the light" "I can't sleep alone at night" "Lonely, that's not quite...

When you see visual artwor...

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Time Will Heal

Time will Heal

  Better in Time - Leona Lewis I love this song and all that it represents: "It's gonna hurt when it heals too" "It's time I let you go So I can be free" "No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you" "It'll all get better in time" Letting go.  Change.  Acceptance.  It's a painful process. Life isn't fair. It's not suppose to be and history has proven that time and time again. I see life like a sunny day in FL that will one day bring rain. If you stand & wait long enough through the rain, it will clear and show you a rainbow. The rainbow is that high after healing. The rainbow will fade. It will be sunny once again, but not without rain in due time. It's...

  Better in Time -...

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Dog Days are Over

Dog Days are Over

Florence & The Machine "Dog Days are Over" Happiness, hit her like a train on a track Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back She hid around corners and she hid under beds She killed it with kisses and from it she fled With every bubble she sank with a drink And washed it away down the kitchen sink The dog days are over The dog days are done The horses are coming so you better run Run fast for your mother run fast for your father Run for your children for your sisters and brothers Leave all your love and your loving behind you Can't carry it with you if you want to survive The dog days are over The dog days are done Can you hear the horses 'Cause here they come And I never...

Florence & The Machine...

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Dear Depression

Dear Depression

Dear Depression, Every day I live wanting to die.  I allow myself to live for the sake of others.  A peace of mind for their existence and torture in mine.  They are aware of my sadness.  When I consider ending this life, I plan.  I will be clean, papers in order, letters written, method successful.  It will not be an attempt, it will be once and final.  Thus far you have allowed my mind to visit this thought time and time again.  I don't know why it's like this.  I know of others who have tried or vocalized their pain to be hospitalized again and again.  I suffer alone in quiet.  I tried to rid you of my life by asking...

Dear Depression, Every day ...

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i am i am i am

I am. I am. I am

“Sometimes I feel like I’m not solid, I’m hollow.  There’s nothing behind my eyes, I’m a negative of a person.  And as if I never, I never thought anything.  I never wrote anything, I never felt anything.  All I want is blackness.  Blackness and silence.” She says it so well.  If you are able to feel it as you read her words, then you know what major depression is, you unmistakably understand how easily you become it.  You know what it does to your being, sense of oneself. "It’s all my fault.  All I could think about is what could happen if somebody took him away from me.  You see, if you fear something enough, you can make it happen?  That woman,...

“Sometimes I feel like I’m...

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HOW I SAVED MY LIFE

How i saved my Life

I remember having a number of breakdowns fairly close to each other.  Each time getting more painful.  I told my friend I couldn't do it anymore.  All I wanted was to be left alone.  I couldn't stop crying.  I felt such an overwhelming emotion and at the same time massively detached.  I told him something has to happen for I don't know what will be of me. So we looked for a hospitals close to home.  The hospital's website showed the link Health Services - Behavioral Health Services and listed below About the Behavioral Health Center Child Adolescent Services Inpatient Psychiatric Programs Inpatient Substance Abuse Services Outpatient Psychiatric Programs Outpatient Substance Abuse Services I clicked on Inpatient Psychiatric Programs and called the phone number listed on the page. I talked ...

I remember having a number of ...

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UNCONDITIONAL

Unconditional

"Life throws us "stuff", at the most inconvenient times, at a time we find that we cannot go on.  What more can I handle?  What else is going to happen that WILL put me over the edge?  "I don't have the will, courage, strength to continue", says my loved one.  Coming from a place where you are at, at this very minute in your life, I know that you see yourself worthless, as if you have nothing to offer anyone.  So the last thing you feel like hearing is how many lives you have changed, how much you're really worth, how strong you really are, how intelligent you are.  You must learn to put yourself FIRST because if you are...

"Life throws us "stuff", at th...

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CHALLENGES

Challenges

When beginning the recovery stage from whatever mental illness it may be you have, how do you keep yourself there?  How do you not go back to self-destructive behaviors when situations change in your life, when the challenges become more and more difficult by the second? When you go back and think when you were in that black hole, the dark tunnel, what we call or are taught in therapy "Self Destructive Thoughts and Behaviors"...

When beginning the recovery st...

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AM I BROKEN

Am I Broken

When sadness doesn't go away, when you can't take a deep breath, when you feel like the sky is falling, when all you want is for everyone to go away, when all you want and feel is darkness, when you tell everyone to just let you be, let you cry.  Yet, at the same time, you would love nothing more than to have someone pick you up and not let you shut down and isolate.  Where is the fine line.  Why so many ups and downs you ask yourself?  Am I broken?  What's wrong with me?  You have to believe the sadness will eventually, within time, lesson.  You must be patient and at times, being patient can be one of...

When sadness doesn't go away, ...

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HOLD ON

Hold On

"Music video by Stacy Clark performing Hold On" "To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.  TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery." http://www.twloha.com...

"Music video by Stacy Clar...

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